People spend countless hours on education and job training, but comparatively little time is spent studying how to interact successfully with other humans in relationships. I sat down with Arden, who has devoted 10,000+ hours of study to relationships, and asked her to share some of the insight she has gleaned.

Many people have negative associations with seduction and the pickup artist (PUA) community, but a recurring theme in Arden’s work is that seduction is an act of generosity. She explained, “Here’s one of the most important truths of seduction, what ultimately all good, successful PUAs learn: Tactics like manipulation, dishonesty, agenda-pushing, misogyny (or misandry), disparagement, deception, and general meanness are never actually seductive. And things like integrity, honesty, vulnerability, communicativeness, reliability, and candor are seductive in that along with just being generally good things to do, they’re also necessary to forming a functional relationship with any decent human being. Not only are such qualities not at cross-purposes with pickup, but they’re actually crucial to its most elevated levels as an art form.

“The worthiest part of seduction is engaging your curiosity about another human being, and allowing that curiosity to open up a space for them to be their truest selves with you, without fear of judgment or repercussion. Only then do you get to truly know someone. That is both seduction’s greatest gift and its greatest reward.”

Click to read the entire article on Leafly.